Awaken Me

Praying about how and what to share and I was reminded of how far God has brought me in my life’s journey. He impressed on me this morning to share a time in my life that was a real battle, I know many of you have experienced these emotions and I pray you are encouraged and know that you are not alone.

I love that every day is an adventure, that we will never know everything, that we are NEVER stuck in one place or phase of our life, that one event or moment does not define our entire character, that we don’t have to have it all together, that there is fresh, new, exciting opportunities awaiting us everyday if we can just have perspective. Sounds easy right? Ehhhhhhhh!!! The pursuit of peace is not easy, it takes fervor, endurance, passion…and true surrender.

I did not know peace the way God intended…I was asleep, avoiding pain, my past, trying to live life according to my agenda, after all…I am a planner, get ‘er done girl, make it happen gal. Surely I can handle anything that comes my way…I am tough, I don’t need help, don’t let ’em see you sweat, don’t even think about letting them see you cry. I got this God.

Here I sit a stone
Wishing I could be tossed
Across the river of life, sunk
Then brought alive by the Son

Piercing my heart
To awaken the forgotten
How it is to feel forgotten

Why is it that I am numb
To the love, to the pain
He is calling my name

Oh my child, won’t you cry
Tears of passion, tears of strife
Let it go, all your pride

Release your fears and live your life.

I remember feeling alone with people all around me, keeping my mask on assuming people could actually see my heart, feeling misunderstood, questioning why God designed me the way He did. I received valuable feedback that I was angry, cold at times, intimidating…all words that pierced my heart. Meanwhile, God was always prompting me to let go, stop trying to control my life, hide my emotion, my feminine spirit. I always thought the moment I let go, people would think I was weak, not see me as a leader.

I was wrong!

There is freedom in surrender!!! True surrender for me was laying everything down at the cross, recognizing that I did not really trust God and it was time for that to change. It was not until I changed my perspective by allowing God to transform my daily thinking that I was able to fully believe that I was not in control….at all. We can say it all day….”I want God to take the wheel, drive my life,” but transferring the head knowledge to the heart in daily living is the challenge.

PRAYER is key! Disconnection happens when I stop talking to God and seeking understanding in His word. I also started taking steps in allowing people to see the real me, the incredible program that helped me walk through that is called Discovery. I woke up, started allowing myself to feel, let others be a part of that process, become vulnerable in a healthy way. I am so grateful Preston has been able to walk this journey with me, he has been instrumental in my growth.

Who is God to me?

My friend, my refuge, provider, healer, father, comfort, almighty never-failing redeemer. He rescues me from myself many times and shows me miracles every day. He plucked me from a godless existence at a young age and has held me in His hand since before the womb. My God has carried me through life extending grace, peace, love, assurance, and purpose. He has served as father to me and filled the gaping void of that earthly relationship. He cares for my heart more than any human is capable of and is passionate about me. He designed me exactly the way I am on purpose and brings beautiful people into my life to sharpen and grow me. He changes the way I think and gives me peace that the world cannot provide. It has been a battle to surrender and I have to do it every day, but it has gotten easier as I learn that my way does not compare to the magnificence of His plan. I am blessed in countless ways and humbled daily. He has equipped me with everything I need to walk in His purpose for my life and I am thankful. The gift of peace is priceless, I just had to wake up.

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One Response to “Awaken Me”

  1. Julie,
    The funny thing (not haha, but ironic) is that God does not ‘pressure’ us into receiving the gifts He has for us. He is loving, kind and patient. He allows us our ‘planning’ time. He watches over us while we slumber. And when I say slumber, I don’t mean physical sleep. I mean spiritual sleep. He knows that it is but a matter of awakening. It is through our slumber that we experience the bumps and bruises. And in our awakening to His calling and divine purpose for our lives, we find the healing. Thanks so much for such a beautiful share.

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